Archive | January, 2011

Day 7 January 7, 2011

 Well I feel much better today. When I feel better, I do better. And therein is the problem-my success is feeling-based. I just now realized that in order for me to be successful with my weight loss, I’m going to have to do things I don’t feel like doing all the time.

In my career as a physician and in other areas of my profession I just know to do the things I don’t particularly like. I’ve been trained to “suck it up”. Now it’s not much of an effort to do those things.

But in this very personal area of weight loss, I’ve dropped the ball. I guess I’ve put my job over my health and self-esteem. In my mind, I know if I screw up at work, I won’t be able to pay the bills and my situation will worsen. So, I’m more comfortable doing what I don’t always feel like doing, because that’s how I’ll eat and survive.

What has been more hidden is the notion that if I’m not healthy enough to work, I won’t be able to pay my bills and my situation will worsen and I won’t survive. The dreams that I have for myself, the dreams that take time, won’t come true if I’m too sick and I die sooner than necessary. I hardly ever see it this way.

My feelings have taken over in this area and in a way, hijacked my life and success. I need to put things right.  I am becoming more aware of how strong the feelings were derailing me.

Prayer: God thank you for making me aware of myself and showing me how I can improve the quality of my life. And how to become a grown up.

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Day 6 January 6, 2011

Well as tormented emotionally as I was yesterday, I did not overeat. I was upset most of the day and night but I’m trying to stay steady and be mature. I’m finding it’s not easy; I just want to go back to what I know. I don’t think that plan will help, logically I understand this, but emotionally I find I just want to throw a tantrum.

Tantrums won’t help me. I’ve got to do something different. I’ve got to be better and stronger and just work either harder or differently.  The idea of making changes at this stage of the game is daunting.  I know you may not think these feelings have anything to do with my weight loss but I assure it does. I am an emotional eater. My emotions are on a roller coaster so I’m tempted to eat/overeat at every turn it seems.

I just want to understand and get a solution to my problem and maybe that will help calm my emotions. As it stands, I’m alone. No help.  Confused and angry.  Good luck with the emotional eating.

Prayer: God show me a better way.

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